October 2009
92 posts
Really, AT&T? You *proudly* emblazen your name next to NO BARS OF COVERAGE? UM, HI. I LIVE IN A CITY! http://twitpic.com/jstf7
If I ever snap one day, killing a bunch of people, myself included, and people want to know why I did it, you can say you know why: IE6/7.
Pretty sure I saw this general contractor in our office on To Catch a Predator before. Related: can someone get Chris Hansen outta my cube?
September 2009
59 posts
A bird in the hand may very well be worth two in the bush but I can’t pay for shit online with it. Also, the bird just crapped on my arm.
You guys, I am *totally* addicted to that show ‘Intervention’. … I’m not doing this right at all, am I?
Consider yourself warned: My head is set to explode upon receiving one more forwarded email on the following two topics: Jesus or Obama.
I hope I get to be a ghost when I die because if I do, I’m totally gonna haunt the Swedish Meatball case at Ikea.
More like WinBLows 7, AMIRITE?
“…your lips move, but I can’t hear what you’re saying…” #pinkfloydlyrics
RT @badbanana: I hear Sarah Palin wrote the first draft of her book in lipstick on baby polar bear hides. Just like Hemingway.
Research shows that playing with electricity near water is an acceptable solution to combat Nickelback. Q: Can I borrow your toaster?
Count Drunkula #failedcereals
Shredded Feet #failedcereals
RT @BrilliantOrange: Brizzly: If Twitter went to grad school and got it’s shit together. (hit me up if you need an invite. First 5 to reply)
Believes that all beer should be served ice cold, in glasses no smaller than 40oz. If I could swim in it, Great! Ask how I feel tomorrow.
Jesus, it’s quiet in here tonight. Like you all are busy with your “real lives” and so forth. Pfft. Yeah. AS IF.
Soon is a funny looking word, I think. … What’s tha…oh yeah? Well…your MOM is funny looking.
Today, it’s not so much the 2 hours of sleep I got last night as it is the other 6 I didn’t get which are really making meZZZZZZZ
How come the Tumblr app for iPhone used to rock and now it SUCKS? Anyone know?
“Faith means not wanting to know what is true.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche (via tmblg)
How out of touch MSFT is: “Ballmer: Apple won’t dominate the smartphone market” http://tinyurl.com/ydokqhr …Um, they already do, genius.
Recipe for magic: 1. Open Birdhouse. 2. Stare blankly.
3. See #2. 4. Blink. Blink, blink.
5. Word vomit. 6. Publish! It’s that easy.
If one is the lonliest number that you’ll ever know, it’s probably time you got out of your parent’s basement and met some other numbers.
Microsoft is promoting Windows 7 by having people throw “launch parties”. How very Tupperware™ of you, MSFT.
Getting 3 hours of sleep means nothing after you’ve consumed an entire pot of coffee by yourself. Related: why am I vibrating?
I would like to extend to you, an invitation to the pants party.
If “alternative lifestyle” means prefering PC over Mac then yes, I guess I’m a “judgemental, creative-type-hipster dick”. Touché, Reverend.
I have seen the face of evil. It looks exactly like 7am, Thursday morning.
MSNBC lost credibility in my eyes with the headline: “Miley Cyrus on growing up, becoming a diva”. QQ: how do you get a spork outta yer eye?
Oh, Lionel Richie. You had me at “Hello”.
If you can’t design (or have someone else design) a decent looking icon for your iPhone app, undoubtedly your app will turn out to be crap.
I need an iTunes app store wishlist like an Amazon wish list. Also like another hole in the head. Related: Intervention desperately needed.
I gotta go do this thing* now. *Work** **Hurts brain.
Belated bday wishes to Bruce Springsteen. Born (in the USA) 60 years ago yesterday, he something something glory days something something.
You know, I was just thinking how websites *still* coded with (and making extensive use of) HTML tables for layout…are just plain evil.
This day requires lots of Tom Waits. And intoxication. Anyone who knows Tom Waits knows that those two go hand in hand anyway.
I called the suicide prevention hotline but they put me on hold and never came back.
Many times in my life I have tried lifting weights but they’re just always SO HEAVY, y’all.
“She’ll be comin’ ‘round the mountain when she comes.” Sexual innuendo aside, that song could alternately be titled, “Duhrrrr Duh (drool)”.
Richard Simmons, amirite? What’s up with that?
If you live in France, every week, the day after Thursday is always French Fry Day. AMIRITE PEOPLE? … Yeah, I got nothing.
I never met a peanut butter that I didn’t like. Except for crunchy. That bastard can go straight to hell.
It’s barely lunchtime and I’ve already decided that when that ol whistle blows at the end of the day, I’ll be wetting MY whistle with booze.
Milk should not have “legs”.
As a rule, I don’t tweet unless I have something important to say. With the exception to that rule, of course, being right now. Oh, shut up.
If anyone isn’t following @kolchak then apparently none of you care about consistent laughter in your daily lives. No excuses. Do it!
Goodnight moon. And by moon, I mean everybody. And by everybody, I mean bitches. And by bitches, I mean you. That’s right. *Hugsies*
Two words: Jeff Buckley. Two more words: right now. Last two: Aw yeah.
I am now INTIMATELY familiar with the soul-crushing black death, otherwise known as, dropping your iPhone face down on cement. FML